my story is getting better and better, well hope for it. but yeah just doing great!

when is it going to end, gosh please as soon as possible. penat dohhh. penat sangat2.
macam kau work for someting but takde hasil. sumpah kimak lar.

malas pulak nak english2 nie. hari nie hari aku cakap melayu lar.

weiii..sampai biler doh aku nak jadi macam nie. makin lame makin teruk adela. aku bace self help book, motivasi ape lancau supe jer.

macam mane lar orang lain boleh confident ngn diri masing2. aku punyer confident makin teruk sejak..ntah la malas nak cakap. aku menyampah giler ngn aku sendri. terase sangat bodoh.

penat la fake happy everyday. penat sial fake as if nothing happen. otak ngn badan aku makin kering arr pikir menda2 nie.

tak tawu arr shud i or shud i not do things yang aku rase aku pk nak buat. ade gak pk, menda tu ade benefit aku tak. ade lar jugak, tapi lame dohhh. aku tak rase aku bole stand. bodoh sial jadi pompuan nie. lemah nak mampus. emotional tak abes2.
kdg2 ble pk pompuan jadi laki nie aku paham la nape. n aku paham la asal dorang suke pompuan. (no saying as if im lesbo, big NO NO)

biler arr aku nak jadi hati keringgg. macam cibai sial!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111

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Hi.
2 am. Saturday. 16/4

Empty....hurt.....

It's been 5 months, and I still can't run. I can't walk. I can't crawl.

It's hard, like a rock. Only the ocean can erode the stony rock.

But there's no ocean. No sea. No nothing...

Empty....silence...

The tears has dried out. Pain is unbearable. And I can't see anything.

Where am I going? What am I thinking? When can I stop? Who can help me? How am I going to get through this?

Questions..Questions...Questions....

5 months.

What's going to happen next? Question..

Hate. Despise. Cruel.

but..

Thoughtful.

Im confuse.

What's not good enough? Think Amirah. Think.

My look?
My brain?
My confidence?
My clothing?
My speak?
My smell?
My hair?
My poverty?
My body?
My skin?

This is what god's has made me. I was born with funny nose and round face. I can't change my look.
I aint genius, but I still maintain my grades.
I'm not confidence, my low self esteem is not a subject to talk about.
Im not wearing sexy cloth. I don't wear skirt anymore.
I speak when I have to. I talk when is need.
I smell me. That's me.
Im nor rich, nor poor. I still eat and live.
Im not retard or anorexic. Just having difficulties to eat
I have fair skin. I try to tan my skin, but it doesnt work. Pure Malay skin works for you? If yes, I try harder. Im not fair enough? I put on more whitening cream..still I try harder.

What do they have that I don't? I want to know.

Im at dead end of thinking about it. 5 months of thinking. I still can't find the answers.

Please. Tell me.

Even so I can't chase missed bullet train, I'll board on it one day.

Wait before it depart. Clock before it arrives. Stand when it opens for me. Enter before it closes. Sit before it's full.

If you know me, U'll understand...

Sweet dreams...

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weird changes in me..again!

Have you people watch Sucker Punch?? It's preety awesome, but the most awesome is about the soundtrack. The hardcore musics really keeps me on going plus the stupid tectonic or watever the shit called, the combination was...... Hell Yaeah..make u hOrnnnyyyy!! Playing all over again like a broken record.
But man..all the songs were never be my kind of songs lar.. but bile listen to it of what i so called "deafening music".... MOther ChicKen Curry! super awesome!
so lagu2 hardrock sakit telinga headbanging nie kire on my ipod list larr! wachaaaahhhhh!!!

another thing... I'm into big motors! like freaking big bike!!!! even tak tawu nak bawak, but who givva a fuck.. I'll bike one later..soon...in far future ngehehehehehehehk!
ouwhh since I have extra piercing, I think it's time for me to get another one again =)

Creepy Marilyn Manson, sang the cover of Sweet Dreams, his version is much better than Eurythmics..But the latest by Emily Browninng.. 2 thumbs up =P

yeahh ride hard babyyy!!!!!

not yet, but soon

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I can love a man with all my heart. I can see all the beautiful things in him once I love a man. No matter how he end up to turn into.. an ugly beast the worst.. he still be the love of my life.
I, might be such a pain in guy's ass. I cry too much, tend to be so emotional, so needy, and very perfectionist. Guys hate that.
If I have a man, and he hurts me a lot, I'll be sad.. a bit mad. I just need a man that can love me, and take care of me. Understand me and accept me at my worst.
I have learnt a lot from my previous relationship, that love is not a "thing" to throw away. We need it all the time. It feels good when you have someone to turn to. You have someone to cry on, and you have someone to share your happiness.
I'm happy if my man happy. Even if I'm not, he will never see it. One thing that can draw a smile on my face is when I finally make my man happy and make him have a thought that no one can ever replace me even the prettiest hot sexy woman on earth.
A man can have so many girls that they want, they can flirt with anyone even with a pondan.. but, they will eventually find that his girl is the best even they don't want to admit it.
I saw it infront of me, a friend of mine, just broke up with her girlfriend, he has a lot of girl friends, he has a wild eyes never stop looking for hot chicks.. after the break up, his eyes turns blind, he says.. " I still find my ex is the prettiest and the best.." I was surprised, a guy like him.. a so called womanizer have a soft heart deep inside.
It makes me think, is he like him too.. after the break up?
I'm a very sensitive girl, only him know how so sensitive I am. My friends once label me as "hati batu".. and what a power of god and love can do to this "hati batu" girl.. I barely recognized myself back then before..
Wish to be like before? No, if I never get hurt, I will never know how does it feels, and I know how important it is to be with someone you love.

I regret so much for the stupid mistakes I have made, I wish I could turn back time and stop the doing it =( 

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definition of SUNDAL.

Kalau orang cakap aku SUNDAL mmg dorang sangat BODOH. Nampak sangat tak paham ape tu SUNDAL. Nak tawu sangat SUNDAL tu ape menda, korang bukak la FB korang masing2 and tengok sumer SUNDAL-SUNDAL free free MENYUNDALKAN diri.

Seperti:

1- tetek kalau boleh nak tekeluar sampai nampak puting! tujuk je la puting senang2 or malu korang nyer puting hitam choklat bedaki

2- kalau tangkap gambar, sumpah macam tak pakai baju. spaghetti strap tu aku paham lagi arr, nie tak pakai langsung. bajet tangkap atas je tetek cover ngn rambut.

3- dah ade boyfren boleh lagi meggedik dengan jantan lain. Setakat comment bro2 xpe doh. nie nak menggatal dating chat.

4- tunjuk and bangga that u such a social girl and easy to get.

Seriously babes, you girls are making yourself such a whore. I mean like a stupid idiot whore. At least put a price lar on your page so people can know how much you gals cost, nie tak, free terus. Sumpah lagi HINA dari PELACUR dowh!
Korang buat macam ape taw, "My legs are open for all guys, come and fuck me hard..ouuhh yeahh my pussy wants your dick..COME and get me.."... and kebanyakan nyer la perempuan2 yang almost naked kat FB akan di ADD oleh lelaki yang either memang gian nak pantat korang, or jantan yang baru lepas break-up as a rebound untuk mendapat kan pantat korang yang sumpah petik jari boleh dapat. Lelaki2 tu sume sebenarnya nak tengok korang bogel jerr..
And honestly lelaki tu semua sangat PATHETIC. Hahahahaa..
We all live in this funny sinful world..

~Cheers to boobs and nipples~

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1) Cry..what will be your definition on that word?
- Hurt, grieve and stupid

2) Do you enjoy crying?
- Not a fancy thing to do neither my hobby. I despise it.

3) Do you cry a lot?
- Was not a cry-er even hardly drop a tears , but this activities is part of my routine recently.

4) Why you cry?
- Stupid question! You cry because you hurt and sad dumbass!

5) Have you cried with joy?
- Yea when I got straight A's, and I just cried of joy last few days, It was the most memorable thing I could ever imagine.

6) Is it benefit you..crying?
- I don't know. Maybe. But most of the time no.

7) What you do if you cried?
- Just cried, or lye down, throw my spects to the wall, sometimes my phone, scribble my bed sheet and tuck it back. Then do some reading.

8) How long does it take for you to cry for the same reason?
- depends on why I cry. Like I remember when I only got 6A for my SPM, I cant accept the results, I cried for days and I abandoned myself. But now I have been crying for idk, god knows.


9) Do you cry when you praying?
- only god knows


10) Do you cry for the love one?
- if only he knew how much tears I dropped

11) Do you tell someone if you just cried?
- No, but they will know.

12) Do you cry for your mistakes?
- Yes. Yes. and Yes.

13) What if someone cry because of you?
- I feel bad, useless, and I hope I can help..


14) When is the last time you cried and why?
- Just few minutes ago because of the bad negative thoughts lingered in my brain and seeing things that I know I should avoid it.

15) What you think when you cry?
- Dying

16) Can you live a day without crying?
- Yes, I think so..


17) If you cry, who you wish to be beside you?
- E

18) You cry in public?
- Public toilet ngeheheh =) I go toilet for pee pee and cry... best place ever!

19) If you can change your tears, what would it be?
- droplets of diamonds!

20) What you wish when you cry?
- to stop

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my own dream house =)

today I would like to talk about my dream house in future. hehehe. just an inspiration before start doing my stupid ITR.
I dream of big house, but as long as I get the medium slightly big is fine. Maybe a semi-D. But the interior need to be as awesome as me lar. hieee =D

I start with the yard. Not that big as long as I can do some gardening. The grass must be the japanese grass, much more softer than ehem Malaysian grass. I want a cute fountain at the side of the fountain. One table for afternoon tea. There will be like stones on the grass. I love if there's like wild flower crawling on the grass.

ok sumthing like this, colurful flowers and grass crawling, but not the tree. this is the best picture I can get. And there will be a small outdoor table with 3 chairs on the side..

Now the door..heheh.

Alright U see the door is not that big. A fit size and simple design. Im not living in palace so just simple will do. I just want to add cute flowers at both side of the door.

So, once you open the door, as I open the door, I want my interior to look like this.

  As U see, there's a square carpet. As I open the door I want the stairs to be the first thing lar. In other words the stairs should be in the middle. But not the carpet. Freaking old and ugly kowt. Dekat sebelah kanan and kiri of the tangga would be the living hall, dining hall and at the back of the stairs would be the kitchen which must connected dengan the dining hall. I want my kitchen to be big! You know what I mean =D

 Lets go to the hall!

Ok just a rough picture of what I like., There must be a big window pane for natural light. Book shelves for my books. Simple sofa for comfy. The TV would be infront of the sofa lar.

My dining hall....

The dining hall and everything very2 simple. I love if there's a pillars and it's connected to the kitchen =)

I like the picture of having working table in the midle. Good lightings and spacious. Arrrrrrrhhhhh!!!! Love it!

Final place would be the backyard. hehe. the rooms I can't think of any right now. Coz I want at least 4 rooms. One room for like entertainment room. not big. Like placing all your musical instrument. Im not a music person but for someone =) He loves guitar. Eh eh macam citer Juno pulak hiee =P
Ok2 now the backyard!!!!

yeahhh! hahha. the reason why I like to have backyard is because for barbeque-ing! hehehe. and if more space I can plant my own "Malaysian" herbs or chillies pun ok larr...

I hope I cant have my own simple comfy house. Just the way I love it.. Until then, good day!

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