As some people may know that I'm 'hibernating' myself from online-ing FB. Im not ready to go social after what had happen to me. It's hard for me to deal with it.

Yeah, you might think I'm such a weak woman and whatsoever. I don't care. After all, it's a mean thing to do if you feel happy after you lose someone that you love.

Im not a pretender, I tell my friends how hurt I am. I cried infront of them. They witnessed my grieve. They know how I feel towards him, they do support me to be strong, move on at the same time wait for him even I know myself he won't coming back.

It is way more hurt when you realise someone that you love is no longer with you. How can I deal with it? He said next year will be sucks, is it because of me? because we going to be in the same class.
How can I pretend that seeing him makes me happy? How can I pretend not to talk to him and don't ever look at him when he is passing me? And how can I pretend to look okay when I see him not okay...


I never hate myself as much as I'm fucking hate myself! Im such a disgust. If only I knew how to be the best.. I never be the best for anyone. He's too perfect and I have too much flaws. I hate to say this but I know you will find someone that is better than me. Till then, I stop waiting for you..



If you think its a lie, you are wrong, you are the most precious thing in my life, you have took pieces of me, and I love you more than anyone else in this world...